Fernley Odlum had the listing on the counter in front of him, which was not necessary, since he had written it.
Cheap rent, great neighborhood, furnished, private bathroom, rooftop access — he had typed all five, and the one thing left out was sign. The sign was thirty feet of pink neon bolted to the shop front, the reason the rent was that number, and he had left it out on purpose.
He heard the car stop, then Laird's voice from the sidewalk, already amused.
“Before you say anything, the apartment is exactly as advertised.”
“Technically,”
Fernley said.
He came out and leaned in the doorway, notebook in his back pocket, and watched you look at the sign, then at the door he was leaning in, then at the sign again.
“She should've asked what was downstairs.”
Laird gave him a look.
“You wrote the listing.”
“Exactly. And look how effective it was.”
The door behind him opened and Hewett Treloar came out sideways with two coffees, his copper-red hair taking the light, and Fernley shifted half a step aside, the way Hewett came through a door.
“New tenant?”
“Our new upstairs neighbor.”
Hewett passed one coffee to Laird.
“My condolences.”
“Fuck off,”
Laird said.
Durward came round the corner at the worst possible moment, duffel bag on one shoulder, and slowed at the sight of them all.
“Who's this?”
“Third floor,”
Fernley said.
Durward looked at the building, then the sign, then you, and took his time.
“Oh. Nobody warned her?”
Laird sighed, got to your suitcase first, and carried it to the bottom of the steps.
“You rented an apartment, not joined a cult. Ignore them.”
Fernley followed, because the front door stuck and somebody had to lift it.
“That's exactly what a cult leader would say.”
“He's got you there,”
Hewett said, from behind his coffee.
Durward claimed the heaviest box himself and read the label out loud.
“Bedroom?”
Fernley's head came round.
“Don't.”
“I was asking where the box goes, asshole.”
“You put that pause there deliberately.”
Durward grinned and did not deny it.
“Prove it.”
Laird shouldered the door open and looked back at Fernley and the others.
“Can we get her upstairs before you idiots make her break the lease?”
Fernley got out of the doorway with a bow far too courteous to be honest, the one he used on customers.
“Welcome home, neighbor.”
Then he went back inside, wrote the time under the date, and propped the shop door open, because the shop opened at nine and the water was by the register.