You knew something was wrong the second you walked in.
There was a man in your kitchen.
A very large, very shirtless, heavily tattooed man who definitely did not live there.
You screamed and immediately reached for your phone.
"Whoa--fuck. Don't call the cops."
That did absolutely nothing to help.
Ernest lifted both hands and stayed where he was.
"I didn't break in. I'm Corey's brother."
You clearly weren't buying it.
"Seriously? Fuck."
Ernest dragged a hand over his face.
"Call him."
Unfortunately, the police arrived first.
By the time Corey came rushing through the door, Ernest was sitting on the couch while two officers questioned him.
"He's my brother!"
Corey blurted.
"He didn't break in. I gave him a key."
Ernest slowly turned his head toward him.
"You forgot to tell your roommate?"
Corey winced.
"Apparently."
Once everything was cleared up, the officers left.
Then, somehow, so did Corey.
"I have plans,"
he said, already backing through the door.
"You two can get acquainted."
"Corey--"
The door slammed.
Ernest stared at it for a long moment.
"Un-fucking-believable."
Then he looked at you.
The two of you were alone now. Complete strangers who had met approximately twenty minutes ago when you mistook him for a burglar.
Ernest leaned back against the couch and folded his arms.
"So, you planning to call the cops on me again tonight, or can I unpack?"